Think of me when you're putting on your makeup darling...

Sat on a plane about an hour away from home and I have had another of those moments when I really feel inadequite.

I have been reading an interview/piece on Radiohead and it makes me feel as though I have nothing of real value to add to the artistic world.

I have set myself a goal that by the end of the coming summer I will work out the songs I want to use for "Versions", then play all the instruments and record all of it myself on a 4 track tape recorder.

Whether I will use live or mapped drums, or any drums at all, hasn't been decided yet, but I need to do this for myself. Although the songs won't be mine, I still need to do the mechanical/practical side of things.

From that I really hope to be able to write my own suff and get some of it out there to make myself feel a little more productive or even more....

Who knows.

I really feel as though I could do so much more. I don't feel as though I have any real talent to speak of. I sit down and put pen to paper and just end up writing in circles, or drawing heavily from another source, or just writing plain garbage (opinion).

I look at people like Thom York and Feist and Fiona Apple, Jesse Lacey and even Keith Buckley and others of their ilk, and then Chris Taylor, Pushead, Jacob Bannon (on multiple planes) and also local artists Callum Preston, Jake Rolfe and my best mate Shane Sterry and it makes me wish I had more patience, more co-ordination or just straight up talent to do the kinds of things they are doing.
Flattery is sometimes my way of expressing my own jealousy. I am lucky to be in a position to be able to put my ideas out there.

I just want add that my life actually rules.
I have the love of a beautiful woman whom I am honoured to have as my wife.
I have a lovely house that I get closer to getting from the bank every month.
I have 2 crazy dogs who I love as though they were my children.
I play in a band that lets me have my say.
I have some friends who I am sure would do anything for me, as I would do for them.
I have a job that pays well and is close to home.

I just feel like I could be so much more.
I wish I could build my wife the house of her dreams with my bare hands.
I wish I could hold a guitar and not feel like it's some foreign object.
I wish I could sing a simple tune.
I wish I was more positive about myself.

I do get great joy from the success of others too though. I don't begrudge anyone anything for being talented. I'm just jealous. Hahaha.

We'll just see where the summer takes us huh?